The Reality of Being a SAHM
Well, it's February 1st and I have been a mother for 1 year and 69 days. I don't need to go into hours or minutes, but I do want to get down and dirty about my experience of being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). Growing up I would have never thought that I would be a SAHM. I was always working, since a very young age, went to post-secondary, travelled and lived overseas. Initially I thought I would travel the world with a kid in my backpack! Never did I think I would get married, move to the 'burbs and raise a family in a small town. But here I am and I love it. It has taken me a while to settle into this role proudly as I grew up thinking SAHMs didn't want to work or be ambitious about their careers. Boy was I wrong! This is a job that is not easy. You don't get breaks, you don't clock out to go home and have a night out on the town and you don't get paid for the huge responsibility of raising a human - and a healthy one! You sacrifice everything about yourself; body, me time, relationship, social life, career, travel, continuing education and for what? Procreation! Who would have thought that this little peanut who demands so much of you, you would love SOOOO much with ALLLL your heart would make those sacrifices totally worth it? I could have never imagined.
So, here I am, a SAHM and so happy. I am grateful that we can even have this as an option in our family as I know many do not and I am also happy that technology can allow me to work from home so that I can be present with my daughter during her waking hours. One major factor that my hubs and I talked about for me to stay at home is childcare. It's so expensive and the majority of my pay would be going to someone else to raise our kid. Socialization is a great plus of childcare, but we go to play groups 3 times a week and we have a lot of great kids on our street that we see often.
Here are some fun and not-so-fun aspects of being a SAHM that I have learned along the way:
Constantly picking up after everyone!
How did the housework increase 10 fold since having a kid? They say sleep with the baby sleeps, but there is so much to do still! Laundry, fold, put away, food prep, picking up all the Tupperware that she's strewn all over along with toys, dishes, dishwasher, cat litter (ugh I hate this part), oh, I have to eat and try to drink my cold coffee, I should shower too and wash my hair all before she wakes up. Even though we have a cleaner that comes every 2 weeks, there is still horrible yoghurt clumps on the floor and cheerios that I constantly step on and they crunch under my feet as I sigh and whisper some sort of profanity.
Days are getting shorter
Now that Jordyn is at one nap I am finding it harder to get things done. She's officially a toddler now, running around and getting into everything! I can't even pee in peace! That being said, our days are going by so fast. From arts and crafts, to toddling around the grocery store (shopping takes forever now) to multitasking the household chores and playing peek-a-boo. By the time I look at the clock, it's time for dinner, bath and bed routine! "Wow, it's 5pm already! Where did the day go? I still have a full coffee sitting on the counter! But we had fun." - Pour out the coffee and add the wine!
Eating, flinging, and attitude-ing
Jordyn used to be the best eater. I would have to restrain myself from bragging about it. She'd eat anything from pasta to curry. Now...not so much. I can barely get eggs into her! WTF?! She's so picky and has so much attitude from that Ikea highchair throne of hers that mealtime has become a challenge. Fresh Mac n cheese is okay, but leftovers? How dare I! If it's not drenched in yoghurt, then forget about it! And why did I buy a splash mat for the floor? I am constantly wiping up gross, wet gunk off the walls, off the cat's head, off the wood floor and while I am down there, I better bring my own umbrella! "So, did you get any of that in your mouth sweetie?" I say with a sweet motherly loving tone - Grrrr!
The pull and tug of baby duties
Trying to balance the baby duties between dad and I has been tough. He works away so when he's home he wants to recoup and reset. And I get that! But, this is when I want to spill some of the duties onto him and I need to step back a bit, at least for a day or 2 to let him do just that. However, bath, bed and beyond is one of my favourite times of the day with Jordyn so it's hard for me to stand firm and let dad take over. Mostly, it's a struggle within myself and something we are still working on. Not only is he Jordyn's awesome daddy, but he's now my sugar daddy and I'm grateful he works so hard.
Bedtime Bliss
Speaking of bath, bed and beyond, Jordyn has become the BEST sleeper (knock on wood) and once she's out, she's out for 13-14 hours! This is magic for us! Finally we get to relax, watch a movie together or I get out those bath bombs and soak the spilled messes away while watching an episode of Real Housewives of Somewhere on my laptop. Both of us have been longing for these solid sleep days! Yes!
Constantly worried about Constipation
I have to talk poop. Jordyn is like her mother in that she is constipated all the time and watching her try to push out those hard poops hurts me where the sun don't shine too! Girl, I feel your pain! Ok, TMI? Well, if your'e a parent, poop is a major topic in your house. Right now all this girl wants is cheese, pizza, pasta and bread, so mom's got to carry a packet of prunes everywhere she goes and that can be explosive! Ugh. lol.
What to do next?
Okay, now that Jordyn is a toddler, I need to be up on my activity game. We've painted paper with water (mess free!), got some Crayola crayons, play activities in the play room, walked up and down the street in the pouring rain, went to the mall and did the same, went to play group, read stories, played peek-a-boo, chased her around, helped me make food and smoothies, chased the cats around, taught her how to clean the litter, load and unload the dishwasher, and do laundry...Okay, please message me for some more activity ideas! It's only 2pm.
What was I supposed to do?
I thought baby brain was supposed to go away? Well, now it's mommy brain and I can't remember what I was supposed to do. There are things half done all over the house! A friend gave me a book to read last week and it's bookmarked, but I forget what I read, so I reread and I am still in the same spot! Help!
The rewards outweigh everything
I may not have washed my hair in a week or shaved my legs, laundry might be strewn everywhere - what's clean and what's dirty, I can't remember - the argument we had about who will make the dinner tonight, the clutter, the dried food on the floor, the crunched cheerios in the carpet, the spit up on the couch, blah blah blah, is completely erased when you see your babe take her first steps or say "dada" and mean it or even just lean in and give you a sweet kiss on the lips and a hug. She loves us! And non of the other shit means anything to her. All she wants is love, fun and laughs with the ones that mean the most to her.
So I think we need to give each and every mom, dad or caregiver out there a pat on the back because no matter what your role, working or not, this is hard but it is so f*&%ing amazing.